‘When we are talking about intimacy with our loved ones, the kind that requires high levels of security and trust, we’re essentially talking about how we must first come to trust in the process of life itself. If we cultivate a trusting relationship with Spirit or Source, then we are going to feel and see trust playing a big role in our lives. If we prioritise creating peace in our overactive minds and endurance in our spirits, then we have a better chance of surviving the results of a relationship – both positive and negative.’ Pixie Lighthorse.
I’ve just spent seven weeks in the Hare Krishna Ashram in Northern New South Wales and had such an incredible time. The cows, the sacred blessed food, the rolling green hills, the teachings, the temple, the school based in spiritual values – all of these have been part of my daily experience.
In the Hare Krishna movement there is a saying for when something difficult happens ‘it is Krishna’s arrangement’. This means that whatever happens, happens for a reason – Divine Grace is involved. So if your flight is delayed or your car breaks down or you lose your keys, there is a hidden blessing in there. It’s Krishna’s arrangement. I find this teaching enormously comforting and have seen it to be true time and time again.
Krishna’s arrangement for me at this time in my life is that my marriage is coming to an end. After 11 years together we have decided we are no longer serving each other to grow and flourish. Those of you who know me well know that I have worked really hard on my marriage over the years and that it has been challenging for both of us. We have four incredible boys as a result of our time together and we are absolutely committed to and determined in our resolution to co-parent with love and grace. We are planning on having a family meal once a week with all of us together, and this time will include an opportunity to talk, where each member of the family from our two-year-old to us as parents has the opportunity to share whatever they feel, safely and with no judgement. As parents we will live close to each other and offer support on the parenting journey as we have done up until this time already.
We hope to be better parents separated than we were together. I will be honest and say that I do feel a sense of failure in divorce. I made a commitment in front of God and my friends and family and I feel a solemn duty to honour that commitment and a great sense of disappointment and grief that I can’t. But I cannot let this sense of the ideal interfere with my intuitive knowledge that my marriage is over, much as it hurts to let go of the idea of it.
For those of you who find this message overly personal I apologise. I have always shared in my workshops, trainings and classes insights into my personal life, and life as a mother and wife, and I feel that it is only fair and true to keep sharing now that things are changing for me. I always strive to be authentic in my voice as a teacher and right now in this challenging time I hope to continue to do so.
The practices of yoga are not designed to serve us only in the joyful, good and sweet times. They are practices which serve us also in turmoil, grief and confusion. I can truly say that in this difficult time my japa practice and the other daily sadhanas that I do are serving me more deeply than ever and although I feel sadness I also feel great relief in how far I have come as a yogini – I feel able to face this big life event with a steady mind and heart. That is thanks to yoga.
I’m just back in Sydney now friends, and have a whole host of offerings coming up. I’ll be in touch soon with details of all of those including an incredible retreat to India next year and some new weekly classes in Balmain.
Thank you all for being in my life and for allowing me to share yoga with you.